"True Confessions - Mad Lib"
Disclaimers:
I don't own the characters, I just love writing about them.
Description: This is an alternative-to-FIN story in Mad Libs format. That means you've gotta fill in the blanks with the types of words suggested under them to complete the story. It's most amusing if you fill in the blanks before reading the rest of the story. (This piece was originally performed at Xena Night at Meow Mix on August 14th, 2001.)
Comments, feedback, and constructive criticism may be sent to MiladyCo@aol.com. Thank you.
copyright August 2001
Missing Scroll #(____) aka
number
"True ConfessionsÓ"
by Gabrielle the Battling Bard of (_________________)
place name beginning with P
I am Gabrielle, (_________) Bard of Poteidaia, also known as The
verb-ing
Part-Time Amazon Queen, Xena's (_______________) and
slang term for girlfriend
of course my (_______________) name, She Who Made
Native American Tribe
Many Mistakes In Youth. I sing to you a secret tale, one
that hasn't been heard in (________________). Why is it that I
period of time
share it now? Is it because I am sloshed on (____________)? Or
alcoholic beverage
because I'm bored because I broke my (_______________)?
noun
Or maybe it's because I'm mad at Xena so I'm telling her secrets to get back at her?
Not that I'd ever do something like that to my (________________)
sarcastic endearment
Xena. Perhaps it's simply to set the record straight, if you will. Where was I?
Okay, one night, (___________) ago, Xena and I were lying in
period of time
our bedroll by the campfire after a delicious dinner of freshly
killed (________) and unusually athletic (__________________).
animal euphemism for sexual relations
It had been perfect, like it always is between us, ever since the
first time she touched my (___________) with her
body part
(___________). Anyway, Xena was going on about how she was
body part
getting bored with our lifestyle, like I'm the one who wants to
sleep on the ground, waking up with (____________) tangled in
plural noun
my hair day after day. "We could go to the land of the pharaohs", suggested my
(_____________) Xena.
endearment
"You mean Egypt? Weren't we just there (_______) ago or something?"
Period of time
"Nah, that was (____________) ago."
period of time
"Xena, you (_____________________), if we went there,
nickname G would use for X
everyone would know us, they would ask us for help, we'd get
involved in (_________) schemes and risk our lives some more.
adjective
Then we'd leave, and soon enough it would happen all over again. So how would it be different this time?"
"I guess you're right, (_________________________)," Xena
endearment X would use for G
said, amazingly enough, "What can we do to sever this
(____________________) cycle in which we're trapped?"
negative adjective
"First, let's break camp now so we can avoid the person who's been looking for
us in the bushes this last (_________)," I suggested.
period of time
"Whatever you say, (_______________)."
endearment
So we packed up camp and walked for (___________) in the
period of time
dark, (________) forest. I cut my (________) (___________) on
adjective adjective body part
a (_____________) tree, due to the fact that I was carrying all
name of tree
our belongings so Xena could "sense the enemy" better. Whoever it was, friend, foe, or messenger from one of Xena's many
(______________________________), we lost them easily.
euphemism for ex-lovers
Eventually we set up camp again and got comfortable, which
led to our (___________________) for (____________).
euphemism for sexual relations period of time
Finally, we caught our breath and I had my brilliant idea.
"We could fake our own deaths."
"Like that wasn't a complete disaster last time," she muttered under her breath.
"Yes, but this time we'd just disappear, leaving false clues. We wouldn't have to die or anything. We could think up this
outlandish story, some (________) chick from your past begged
adjective
you for help and being such a dork, you went on this (________)
adjective
quest, and got us killed. No one would know the difference. We
could pick a place (________) miles away so no one would ever
big number
come looking."
"How's 'Jappa'?" she suggested.
"You just made that up!"
"And what if I did?"
"Good point," I said, pulling a scroll out of my bag and rolling Xena onto her perfectly toned stomach so I could lean on her muscular back as I wrote. "Okay, who's the bad guy? He's gotta
be really powerful, to be able to kill us and all."
"A (___________________) eating monster?"
body part
"That's ridiculous! That's not even slightly scary."
"Okay, how about a soul eater?" Xena suggested.
"That sounds scarier. Okay 'The Soul Eating Monster From Jappa Who Killed Xena and Gabrielle'. That should work."
"What about if it just killed me? Poetic justice and all, you know?"
"Oh, fuck 'poetic', it would just be justice!"
She tickled me for (__________). I deserved it. We spent the
period of time
night working on our story. We made it full of (_____________)
word for very big
plot holes, peppered with (________) and (___________) minor
adjective adjective
characters with unprounoucable names, and rules that changed at the last minute.
We drank much (_____________) and paused
alcoholic beverage
(__________) times to (______________________). It was a
number euphemism for sexual relations
(_______________________) night.
positive adjective
So we made (_______) copies of the scroll and distributed it
number
everywhere, from (______________) to
place name beginning with A
(________________________). I made a couple of solo
place name beginning with Z
appearances at a couple of docks, wearing black, holding a pot of ashes, and since then we've been pretty
much free to live our own lives. Sleep 'till (____________), walk around naked, play
time of day
(______), drink (__________), and (____________________).
game alcoholic beverage euphemism for sexual relations
You know, enjoy the finer things in life.
And for those of you who felt bad thinking Xena was dead, we're really sorry about that. Would it help to know we didn't tell Eve either?
The End