"So It Goes"

By Jody Leak

Disclaimers:

All of these characters belong to someone else (Universal Renaissance Pictures, etc.). No harm or infrigement intended.

Time Period: Immediately following A Friend In Need

Revised: 10.14.01

Gabrielle felt a slight tingle chase up her spine. At once familiar but... squinting her eyes, she turned on her heels, scanning the surrounding forest. Her eyes closed and her face relaxed, a smirk began to form on her lips as her brow furrowed... “Ares...”

“It seems Xena has left you more than just her Chakram...” the God of War chided as he materialized with his arms crossed, leaning against a tree.

“Ugh...” Gabrielle spat out in frustration at the sight. “What ever little game you’re...”

“No Games...” Ares said, cocking his head and raising his hands. “I know what happened. I just thought you could use a friend.”

“A friend...?” Gabrielle said, mocking him and trying to peer around his body for the aforementioned friend. “Do you really qualify?” she stated, straightening up, hands on hips.

Before he could answer, she cut him off with a wave of her hand. “Look, I know that you and Xena had this...thing...between you. She always seemed to know what was going on behind those beady little eyes of yours...”

“Beady...?” he muttered to himself, looking slightly hurt.

“But I’m not her...I don’t know what you’re thinking...” she continued, “...and I’m really not up to dealing with...whatever...” gesturing towards him with her hands, “...you’re up to, right now.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa...” he spat back, as he began to move towards her. “What’s with all of the aggression? I’m the guy who saved your life not too long ago, remember?” He was face to face with the bard now, hands on her shoulders.

“Ares...” she growled, in a tone that at once told him she was no longer the gullible little girl from Poteidaia.

“Ok, look...” he began calmly, removing his hands from her shoulders, but not backing off. “Let’s start again. I know that you’ve had a rough time...” Gabrielle gave him a suspicious glance, “...but I just thought, maybe you’d want to talk to someone who understands what you’re going through. Someone who knew you...both.” His tone was serious and sincere. “Someone who knows everything that you two went through together.” He paused. “How much you meant to each other...” He swallowed and looked away. “I feel your pain...I do.” His jaw clenched.

Gabrielle could feel a black hole of emotion opening up in her as she realized the truth of his words. She was alone now. For all of his faults...he was truly one of the very few, still alive, that knew their history intimately, and could genuinely understand the pain she was feeling.

Not now, she urged silently, trying desperately to get a hold of herself, for fear she would fall apart. She pushed her emotions back to the place she’d been keeping them and regarded his face in silence, considering his words. 

“I know you loved her too...” she embraced him gently, “…in your own twisted way,” under her breath.

“What if I told you we could bring her back...?” he whispered in her ear.

“Ugh...Ares!” the bard shouted, shoving him away from her. She turned her back and threw her arms in the air in disgust before turning to face him again.

“Just when I think you’re becoming a stand up guy...” planting her hands on her hips.

“What?!...” he said, throwing his hands out. “Are you going to stand there and tell me you wouldn’t do anything you could, to bring her back?”

“That’s not my decision to make, Ares...” Gabrielle looked away.

“Of course it’s your decision...and who better to make it. Think of all of the good you two could do...” he pleaded, innocently.

Gabrielle let out a humorless chuckle. “That’s almost funny coming from you, Ares...I say almost, because what it really makes me want to do is throw up!” She turned and began to walk away.

“She lied to you...” he called out, his voice deep and ominous.

Gabrielle stopped in her tracks. She pursed her lips, bowed her head, and turned in place with one fluid movement. She marched back up to where Ares was standing until they were face to face. Ares crossed his arms as intense green eyes bored into him.

“I know...” she stated flatly.

He dropped his arms and blinked back with a look somewhere between disbelief and confusion.

“Wh...What do you mean...you know...? I’m talking about that whole gotta have vengeance for the lost souls crap...!” He was gesturing vaguely with his hands.

“I know what you’re talking about, Ares.” Gabrielle’s calm demeanor was a stark contrast to the increasing agitation being displayed by the God of War.

“She didn’t have to stay dead for them! Don’t you get it?!!” he shouted.

“Yeah, I got that Ares.” She noticed his eyes beginning to dart around. She smiled. “What’s the matter? Is your little plan falling apart? What was it going to be...the grief, or the anger that would render me putty in your hands.”

He glared at her. Then a smile crept across his face as his body relaxed and he let out a defeated breath. “And you say you don’t know what I’m thinking...” He smirked and began to pace.

“If you knew...” he started, “...then why didn’t you...” He stopped as Gabrielle tilted her head and gave him a blank stare. He shook his head, “I’ll never understand you Gabrielle...”

“Hmph...” the bard snorted, “...I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“She should have been brought back...YOU should have brought her back.” His tone was accusatory now.

“You just don’t get it, do you Ares?” she countered. “It isn’t about me, and it certainly isn’t about you. This was Xena’s decision, her choice...”

“To what?!” he snapped, “Be a martyr...? Break your heart...?”

“Break your heart...” Gabrielle added.

He stared at her for a moment and then looked away. “You have no idea. You talk of this great love...yet you let her die.”

“I didn’t let her die, Ares...she was already dead when I found her…” the bard corrected him.

“Don’t break my balls over the details little girl...you had the chance to bring her back and you let it slip away!” his anger rising once again.

Gabrielle shook her head. “She had a tortured soul, Ares, and she couldn’t live with it any longer... something you’d never understand… because the more tortured she was, the better she suited your purpose. It doesn’t matter who lied to whom. I may never fully understand her reasons, but I have enough faith in her to know that she believed she was doing the right thing. She has redemption at last. And as much as it hurts me to lose her, I know that even if I spent a lifetime by her side, I could never have given to her what she’s finally given to herself. Forgiveness. She is at peace...I love her...enough to let her go.”

“Argh...Mortals!” Ares threw his hands in the air. “You have no clue! No vision of the bigger picture...” he glared at her. “Enough of this! Where are her ashes?!”

“I scattered them in the Sea of Japa...”

“You wha...FOOL!” He was frantically pacing now. He stopped and glared at the young woman again, “You think that ends it, do you?” His eyes suddenly lit up with a cool, devilish glint. “Big picture, Gabrielle...I’m a God...I’ll find her in every lifetime...she will be mine.”

“We’re soul mates, Ares...” Gabrielle boasted. “You know we’ll find each other every time...you won’t ever win.”

“Yeah, but you see...I’m OK with that...” Ares countered. “But you...” he began to taunt the bard, “...You will spend every single lifetime trying to put her pieces back together again. And they’re never going to fit. And you know why...? Because I will always get there first...”

“You’re sick!” Gabrielle spat.

That brought a chuckle from Ares. “And you’ll always wind up feeling like you do now...” he continued, “...defeated, alone, and not quite good enough to save her. Not realizing until it was too late, that she was a lost cause before you ever met her. You really thought you were winning that war, didn’t you? Poor Gabrielle, not even your precious “love” was enough to make her want to stay.”

Son of a bloodsucking Bacchae, the bard growled to herself, clenching her jaw against the anger rising in her gut.

“But on the bright side...” Ares continued with delight, “...you only wasted six years this time. Be thankful you don’t remember your previous lifetime...ew...” he said, wrinkling his nose. “Long and nasty. You were quite bitter about it, you know. You kept muttering something about your wasted youth...”

The pressure made her head throb, and her hearing dimmed as the blood rushed to her head. Outwardly she remained calm. He will not get that satisfaction today, she told herself.

“You’re wrong, Ares...” the bard lifted her chin in confidence, “...I didn’t fail. You destroyed her soul. My love healed it. It gave her hope until she could find herself again. And if that’s how it’s going to be forever...so be it.” A broad grin suddenly appeared across her face, “I’ve gotta tell you Ares, I get a perverse thrill from the knowledge that I’ll be a thorn in your side for all of eternity.”

“You would...” he snorted.

He let out a sigh, “Gabrielle...” he stated with a note of capitulation, “...I’ve always admired your spunk.”

“Tsst...please...” Gabrielle rolled her eyes in disgust.

“Don’t worry....” he said, patting her on the head like a child. “One day you’ll know who you are...and then, won’t we have fun...”

“I know who I am, Ares!” she shouted angrily, as she ducked and swiped his hand from her head.

Ares let out a hearty laugh. “Ooooooh....” he said, stepping back in mock fear. “Look at you...” He began walking towards her again. “Let’s see...you’ve got your sai...nice katana there...pretty chakram...” he raised an eyebrow.

Gabrielle shifted uncomfortably as she regarded the small arsenal she wore.

“Gabrielle...Warrior Bard...” he mocked. “Oh yeah...” he cocked his head, “...going to be fun.”

He let out a snicker and disappeared.

“ARGH!...Bastard...” she swore under her breath.

***

The bard continued on the path, muttering to herself. He knows all of the buttons, she sighed in disgust. In the span of a few minutes, he had found every insecurity she’d secretly held.

Should she have brought Xena back? Had their life together been nothing more than a futile attempt at redemption? Was the bard herself now the warrior? Should she merely pick up where Xena had left off?

No...no...no...and no, she said to herself, pushing her insecurities down.

Darkness was beginning to fall, and Gabrielle decided to settle down for the night. As she gazed into the flickering campfire, a welcome familiar presence settled next to her. She closed her eyes as the feeling brought a warm smile to her face. She turned her head and opened her eyes to take in the vision of her soulmate, her posture mimicking her own...forearms resting on her knees, hands clasped.

“Interesting day...” Xena calmly remarked.

“Yeah...and where were you when I needed you?” Gabrielle answered with a smirk.

“You did all right...” Xena leaned into the bard’s shoulder.

Gabrielle stared into the fire for a long moment before she spoke.

“Um...you gave me something didn’t you...?” she asked, rubbing her chin.

“I’m not sure I know what you mean...” the warrior said. Her voice held a tinge of confusion.

“Uh...you know...sensing Ares like that...really hearing the sounds behind the sounds...my fighting skills seem to have...um...arrived...and the chakram...whoa! What’s up with that?”

“I didn’t give you anything you didn’t already have, Gabrielle.”

“I think that’s a load of Centaur dung, Xena...”

Xena just shrugged and continued to gaze into the fire.

Gabrielle shifted nervously and spared a shy glance around the campsite.

“You...you’re...” she cleared her throat, “...you’re not really...here...are you?” She glanced at Xena, then back to the fire. “You’re just...me...talking to myself...and you’re never going to tell me anything that I don’t already know...right?”

“I’ll always be here...and I’m anything you want me to be, Gabrielle...” the warrior said seriously.

“Ugh...” the bard groaned as she buried her head in her hands.

“Do you have to be so cryptic all of the time! I never got a straight answer when you were alive, and now that you’re dead, I still...” the bard stopped in mid sentence and blinked, “...I’m sorry...I can’t believe I said that...”

“S’alright...” Xena put her arms around the bard. “I always will be here...and I am anything you want me to be...nothing cryptic there.”

Gabrielle paused as she let the words filter through her mind.

“Maybe I’m just insane...” The bard’s eyes stared blankly into the fire.

The warrior smiled. “You’re not insane, just grieving. It’s perfectly natural. When the grief is gone, you’ll be left with the love...and the strength of that love...”

“I don’t know whether I want that grief to go away...” Gabrielle interrupted, “...in an odd way, I feel like the more grief that I have, the deeper the love was that caused it. If the grief fades, will the love fade as well...?” She turned to regard the warrior. “Because I don’t want to lose a moment of that love.”

Xena merely smiled a knowing smile. “It’s the love that gives us the strength to survive the grief, Gabrielle.”

Gabrielle felt a wave of emotion begin to rise as a tear fell and she turned her gaze once more to the fire. The Warrior sensed the doubt filling her soulmate. She gently stroked the bard’s cheek, letting her hand come to rest under her chin. She eased Gabrielle’s face towards her own and waited for the bard to raise her eyes.

Green met blue, and for an instant, it seemed to Gabrielle...time stood still. The intensity of Xena’s gaze was urgently willing her to know the words she’d spoken to be the truth.

“You will get through this...” Xena implored. “You...are the strongest person I have ever known...stronger than I ever was, or ever could have hoped to be.”

More tears. Gabrielle tried to look away, but a gentle squeeze from Xena’s hand brought her gaze back to the warrior’s eyes.

“Hey...” Xena breathed, voice full of hope, “...this is a beginning. You have your whole life ahead of you to become...”

“...to become what, Xena?” Gabrielle interrupted, impatiently.

The warrior released the bard’s face and paused, considering the question.

“Anything you want...” she said with a grin.

“Hmph...” snorted the bard, “...saw that coming. Talking to you is like chasing my own tail, Xena...you know that?” Gabrielle wiped her eyes.

“If you say so...” shrugged the warrior with a wry smile.

The bard chuckled and shook her head.

They sat in silence, both lost in the trance of the fire. Gabrielle shifted and straightened.

“I think I’m going to take your ashes home, to Amphipolis...”

“Took a lot of nerve to lie to Ares...” the warrior stated proudly.

“Tsst....He pisses me off...” the bard grumbled. “I don’t know what to do about him. He intends to ruin our lives indefinitely.”

More silence.

“Do you think he really knows a way to bring you back?”

Xena shrugged.

“Oh...of course...you don’t know either...duh...” Gabrielle said with a soft chuckle, poking herself in the head.

“What happened to the Land of the Pharaoh...?” the warrior inquired.

“Um...ach...” Gabrielle waved her hand, “...it’ll be there... I don’t think I need to go out looking for trouble...”

That brought out a loud snort of laughter from the warrior.

“Hey now...” the bard furrowed her brow in Xena’s direction. “Besides...I think I should try to find Eve. I don’t want her hearing about you from someone else. And I hope to Hades, Ares stays away from her. I can’t imagine the spin he’d put on it. It’s going to be tough enough as it is.”

“You’ll do fine, Gabrielle. Eve loves you.” Xena rubbed the bard’s back in comfort.

“Yeah, but you were her mother, Xena, and you were lost to her for so long...and now...”

“You’re her mother too Gabrielle...don’t forget that...” Xena stated, as a matter of fact.

The bard responded with a slight nod.

“After I bring you home, you don’t mind if I call you out for a chat now and again...do you?” the bard asked shyly.

“Not if you don’t...” the warrior said with a devilish grin.

That got an eye roll and a snort from the bard. “Knew you’d say that.”

Gabrielle settled into her bedroll and closed her eyes as the night took her into sleep.

***

The sky is an odd color this evening, the bard remarked silently. She’d been preparing for this meeting for weeks, ever since she’d located Eve. She saw Eve’s lone figure coming towards her. The distance between them seemed to grow further apart, even though she was moving forward. Must be a trick of the light, the bard mused to herself...or lack of sleep. Suddenly Eve was only a few steps away. She was close enough to see her face.

“Hades!” Gabrielle swore under her breath.

Eve’s face was distorted with hatred and anger. A Roman short sword now presented itself from beneath her cloak. Gabrielle began to step back unconsciously in sheer survival mode. Eve increased her stride until her steps over matched the bard’s and they were face to face. With a quick flick of her wrist, Eve relieved the chakram from its place at the bard’s hip. She held it up between their faces and peered through its openings. If looks could kill…the bard shuddered.

“Are you happy now…!?” Eve growled.

Gabrielle backed up a few more steps. Eve did not pursue.

“Eve…” the bard began, raising her hands to show she had no intention of returning the aggression. “What…are you doing…” Her heart was racing from the unexpected attack. “I…I have news…” she stammered. This is not quite how I imagined I’d tell you, the bard thought to herself...

“Eeeeve…I have neeeews…” Eve mocked. “I know all about your news,

Bard…” she growled.