"After the Sunset"

By Carla M. Gilless

Disclaimers:

Xena and Gabrielle are the property of MCA/Universal and Renaissance Pictures. The ownership of Ares is debatable, as he is both mythical and his portrayal in XWP is from the creators and writers of the above. I intend no implied authorization on their part for the way I portray these characters. That all comes from my imagination.

Subtext: There is nothing graphic here, but this story definitely has the point of view that these two women love each other, in every sense of the word.

Spoiler:This story takes place post-FIN. There are spoilers to the Xena series finale.

Comments, feedback, and constructive criticism may be sent to cgilless@research.ucsf.edu. Thank you.

Copyright ©July, 2001. All Rights Reserved

I ask myself these questions, and more, endlessly. I am alone. I finally got off that gods be cursed ship and am on dry land again. Somewhere in the land of Chin, I make a meager campsite. I am alone. Another sunset will come soon, and I will have to re-live her leaving.

"I don't think I can do this," I say aloud, "Xena, I can't do this."

"Yes, you can," her words come to me on the breeze.

I turn towards the fire. There, through the flames, a form begins to take shape. I know every line and shadow of her as she coalesces into being, dressed in her familiar armor.

"Gabrielle," her voice says.

And the sound tingles through me to my toes, as it always has.

"How could you leave me? We were supposed to be together. Xena, you promised," I cry, hating the desperation in my voice and the tears welling in my eyes.

She steps around the fire to stand before me. Her hands grip my shoulders in a remembered touch.

"Gabrielle, we will always be together, even unto death. You know that," she says.

I look up, into blue eyes warmed with affection. This is my beloved, the other half of my soul, and my heart stumbles at the fierce need to be with her again.

"Then, let me join you now," I whisper.

She places her fingers on my lips, and with a gentle smile says, "Gabrielle, listen to me. It's not your time yet. There is still so much good you can do in this life."

I step away from her in anger. "For what, Xena? The greater good? I'm sick of it, I'm sick of always being the one to pay the price. Even the gods cared about their own interests first. Why should we be any different."

She moves closer to me, and reaches out to stroke my hair. "Because that's the point, my love. We don't need the gods to guide our lives. We can find our own direction. Fight our own battles."

I lean into her and rest my head against her shoulder. I remember just how safe I feel when she is with me. "Xena, I don't want to fight anymore. I just want to live a normal life, with you at my side. We've lost so much in fighting for everyone else. I'm too tired to do it anymore."

Her arms wind around me, hugging me close. "You're stronger than you know, Gabrielle. You were always my strength, the reason I kept going as long as I did."

She kisses me gently on the top of my head. "We'll find a way to get you through this," she says, then quickly straightens and looks towards the trees surrounding us.

"Someone's coming," we say in the same breath. Xena steps back, and as I watch she fades into the waning light.

A flash of blue light, and a man steps out from the trees, brushing his hands down his arms with a look of disgust. "What is it with you two," he says. "You can't find enough trouble in Greece, you have to come to the ends of the world?"

I reach for the chakram on my belt. "Ares, what are you doing here?"

He steps closer to me and stares at the chakram in my hand. He shakes his head and growls at me, "You think you're good enough to wear her toys? Where is she, Gabrielle?"

I try to answer, but the words catch in my throat. I keep trying and finally I manage to whisper, "She's dead, Ares."

He moves so close to me that I can feel the heat radiating from his body. He grabs my chin. "I know that, you brainless idiot. Where's her body?"

I slap his hand away and step back. But I will not show him fear, Xena taught me to face up to even the gods with pride and confidence. "You don't understand. She's dead and I…."

Ares waves his hands and laughs, "Yeah, yeah. Been there, done that. A little thing like death will never defeat Xena. And with Hades gone, things are, shall we say, a little more fluid in that department?"

I know he won't understand, I'm not even sure I do, but I need to try to explain it to him. "She chose it this time, Ares. To right a terrible wrong, she had to die and…."

The tears come in a rush, as they do so often now, and choke off my words. I wonder vaguely if I will ever be able to talk about her again without feeling this endless sorrow.

Ares grabs me and shakes me, "And you let her," he shouts. "You let her sacrifice herself again for some pissant little cause?" He pushes me away from him and I stumble back, barely keeping myself from falling. The chakram slips from my fingers.

"And you're supposed to be her friend." He points to himself. "I would never let her waste herself like that. I would have stopped her."

And it suddenly comes clear to me. After all these years. "Because you love her," I say softly.

Ares stands so still; it seems even the air pauses around us. Then he gives a little laugh, "What? You... Look, I just don't like to see a good warrior go to waste. I…"

"No, Ares," I interrupt. "You love her. After all these years, all these games between us, I know. You love her, you always have."

I sit down on my bedroll and look up at him. He stares at me intently and I see the shadows of emotions flitting across his features. 'Will he finally admit it', I wonder as I watch him struggle to answer me. Finally, he sighs and comes to sit next to me.

"Not always. At first, well, it was like you thought. She was the best damn fighter I'd ever seen." He clasps his hands together and leans forward. "And I wanted her as my champion. But then, it…." He takes a deep breath, and I swear I can almost see him blush, "Then it started to change. I felt things for her, things that gods aren't supposed to feel for mortals." He laughs softly and waves his hand again, "Oh sure, you mortals are fun for the occasional seduction but..." He looks over at me, "I gave up my godhood for her, Gabrielle. Not to save you or Eve, but for her. So, yeah, all right, I'm in love with her. Ya happy now?"

I look at him and I know he is the enemy, the eternal nemesis of my beloved. But I can't help sympathizing with him. I place my hand, gently, on his knee, "I understand, Ares."

He jumps up and begins to rub his hands together, "So, okay. Hey, it was as much a surprise to me, ya know? So, let's get this show on the road. Just give me her body and I'll…"

He leans towards me suddenly and shakes his finger in my face. "And if you ever tell her about this, I'll personally see to it that you rot in the deepest, darkest corner of Tartarus."

I stand up and move towards him. He steps back in surprise. I know I have to tell him all of it now, and I'm not sure I can bear it. "Ares," I say softly. "She can't come back. I burned her body and all I have left of her is her ashes. And her spirit in my heart."

Ares steps back from me quickly. "What? You…No…you wouldn't, you couldn’t have. Are you crazy? Do you know what you've done?"

His words strike through me like a spear to my heart and I gasp at the pain.

"You stupid little meddler," he shouts. "You've ruined everything." He raises his hand as if to strike me.

"I had to, it was the only way," I cry. "They told me..." My throat closes on the words and I fall to my knees, letting the tears flow. I take a deep breath and look up at him, "They told me it was the only way to bring her back. But she wouldn't let me complete the ceremony. Ares," I reach out my hand to him, "She asked me to let her go. And at the time…" I drop my hand to my lap and bow my head in sorrow, "At the time I couldn't refuse her."

Ares drops to his knee before me and grabs my chin, forcing me to look at him, "You're a fool, Gabrielle. Xena always had a death wish, and if you had really loved her, you would have kept her from realizing it. I used to think you were the only thing that kept her alive." He drops his hand from my face and stands. "I guess I was wrong."

He walks off towards the trees and with a flash of light I am alone again. Hearing his accusations echoing through my mind. "Oh, Xena," I whisper. "What have I done?"

I see the chakram lying where it fell when Ares pushed me away. I reach out and close my hand around the cold steel. 'I could be with her again,' I think. Just a quick cut against my throat. I move my hand and bring the edge of the weapon closer to me. I look out through the clearing and see the sun dropping gently towards the horizon. The sky blossoms in hues of red and orange and yellow.

'I just want some peace,' I think. 'I want to put an end to this constant pain.' As I watch the sun moving inexorably down, I see a flock of birds fly across the sky, silhouetted against the setting sun. 'Are they geese,' I wonder, 'or ducks. Where are they going?'

I watch them fly past and the sun dips below the horizon. It is dark now, with just the flames from the fire throwing a meager light around me. I think of all the sunsets she and I shared. All the ways we brought out the best in each other. Can I give her any less than my best now? I don't know. I'm tired of all the questions, of trying to understand. The light glints off the chakram as I let it drop from my fingers. I lay down against my bedroll. I close my eyes and think of her smile.

…………

A bird twills in the trees, and I slowly open my eyes. The sky is barely light and I look around at the glowing embers of my campfire. 'I'm still here,' I think. 'How did that happen?'

I feel her presence behind me and her arm gently enfolds me. "I'm so proud of you, Gabrielle. I knew you would make it." Xena whispers as she brushes her lips against my ear. "After the sunset, the dawn always comes."

The End, for now

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