"A Friend In Deed"

By Paige Turner

Disclaimers:

This story and its contents is in no way intended to infringe upon the established rights and/or copyrights of Universal Studios, MCA, Renaissance Pictures or any other legal holders to the rights and/or copyrights of Xena: Warrior Princess.

Love/Sex Warning: This story depicts a love/sexual relationship between two consenting adult women. It contains nothing graphic, although some may find it exceedingly mushy. If you are under 18 years of age or if this type of story is illegal in the state or country in which you live, please do not read it. If depictions of this nature disturb you, you may wish to read something other than this story. There are plenty of other wonderful stories out there

Violence Warning: Nothing too graphic.

Spoiler:This story contains spoilers for "A Friend In Need, Parts I and II".

Acknowledgements: I want to thank Amanda, my life companion, friend, and soulmate, for her endless efforts editing, proofing, and encouraging during the writing of this anecdote. I'd also like to thank Jlynn, for without her challenge this story would only vaguely exist in the dark recesses of my imagination.

Comments, feedback, and constructive criticism may be sent to unknown4today@yahoo.com. Thank you.


 

 

Gabrielle sat at the base of the Fountain of Strength, holding the urn containing Xena’s ashes. Still staring out to the mountains that the sun had just set behind, the reflection of light sparkled from the tears still evident in her eyes.

"Xena," she whispered in a barely audible tone when she realized the warrior was no longer with her. The last words Xena spoke resonated through her mind:

‘I’ll always be with you, Gabrielle,’ she had said, leaning her head against her companion’s. ‘Always.’ They sat together watching the all too quickly setting sun, the warrior’s arm wrapped around the bard’s waist. Xena was there one second and gone the next.

"This isn’t right, Xena." She choked on the words as she spoke. "It’s not fair." She turned quickly to the water and raised the urn over it, once again slipping the lid from its place and tilting it above the Fountain of Strength. Tears of desperation stung her eyes as she stilled her movement. The urn froze, suspended in her trembling hand, as thoughts raced through her mind.

She wondered surreptitiously what would happen if she scattered Xena’s ashes in the water now that the sun was down. Could it still bring her back, and if it did would Xena ever forgive her for doing it? The warrior had made her wishes clear. She wanted to come back, but if she did the forty-thousand souls that died in the fire wouldn’t be able to pass into a state of grace.

"It was a horrible accident, Xena. You were just trying to fulfill Akemi’s dying wish," she choked out through the tightness in her chest.

She leveled the urn. "Xena, I don’t know what I’m going to do without you."

A small gust of wind lifted a few flakes of ash from the container and they landed on the pool of water at the exact same moment that one of her tears did.

She placed the lid back on the urn. "Xena… I love you."

Turning back around she hugged the urn to her chest and walked to the cliff’s edge. She stood there looking out to the sky and then down to rocks and ground below. "It shouldn’t have been you who had to do penitence for their souls. You were just following Akemi’s dying wish." It was this last thought that began to stir other emotions deep within her, but before they could take hold she heard her name.

"Gabrielle?" the voice whispered.

"Kenji?" She looked around, but she couldn’t see him.

"I’m here, Gabrielle," came the soft voice.

She turned towards the sound to peer at his ghostly figure. "Kenji…"

He smiled. "It’s me, but I don’t have much time." He moved a little closer to her. "Xena…"

"Xena’s still gone," she injected, "she wouldn’t let me bring her back."

"I know Gabrielle. You have to listen. Her ash touched the water at the same moment your tear did." His expression depicted anxiety.

"The wind caught…" she started, but he interrupted her.

"I know this too." He gave her a worried look. "But, when the ash and your tear reached the water at the same time, it set into motion Xena’s restoration… her rebirth," he said.

"I don’t understand." Her gaze was fixed on his.

"After sunset on the second day following death, if the ashes touch the water, that person’s soul is lost forever." Before he could finish what he was saying, she shot to her feet.

"No… Kenji, it was the wind… only a few bits of her ash, she…"

"Gabrielle please, you must let me finish explaining."

Tears were welling in her eyes again.

"It is only if the tear of genuine and pure love is shed and reaches the water at the same time as the ash, that it begins the rebirth of that soul." He forced a small smile.

"Are you saying that Xena is alive?" She prayed this was the case.

"Not yet, but she will be… if she remains unaware of what is happening. She can not know that she will be restored to life…" The smile left his face. "…and Gabrielle… when the rebirth starts, Xena will be in a great deal of pain."

"How great?" she asked, but Kenji’s form was beginning to disappear.

"She must not know… or…" His voice faded out, as did his figure.

It was a long time before she realized how dark the mountain had become. Once again her mind was fraught with several different sensations and emotions. Still one thing stood out foremost in her mind… Xena was coming back to her.

 

***************

 

Gabrielle woke the next morning wrapped in the warrior’s arms, deep blue eyes looking into her green ones. "Xena, I had such a terrible dream." She held the dark-haired woman closer to her.

"Tell me about it," the warrior asked, pulling the bard’s head to her chest while running her hand down her short blonde hair.

Gabrielle was about to tell her that she had dreamt of the warrior’s death when she remembered it hadn’t been a dream. She sat up quickly, and looked around the room; the room that she and Xena had shared, the room that Xena had attempted to teach her the pinch in, only to place it on herself. The bard had begged her to stop, but Xena’s melancholy deep blue eyes looked into hers, as she told Gabrielle that if she had to die, then this was how she wanted it. ‘If I only have thirty seconds to live then this is how I’d want to spend it… looking into your eyes,’ she heard Xena’s gasping voice say, and it all came flooding back at once: the warrior not allowing her to bring her back, then disappearing as soon as the sun went down, and Kenji’s visit.

"You ok, Gabrielle?" The warrior sat up as well and had her hand on the bard’s arm.

The blonde fixed her eyes on Xena’s. "Yeah, it’s just I didn’t expect to see you… I thought… I mean last night, after the sun set, you disappeared." She brought her hand up to the warrior’s cheek. "Where did you go?"

"I don’t know," the warrior paused, taking her partner’s hand. "I faded with the setting sun and then I was here with you, as soon as the sun began to rise." She kissed the blonde’s hand and smiled.

Xena truly didn’t know where she had gone; all she knew was that a darkness closed in around her and she felt a heart-sickening emptiness when the bard was gone from her sight. And though for the warrior it had only appeared to last for a few minutes, it had been from sunset to sunrise.

"But I’m here now and that is all that matters," she stated matter-of-factly, letting go of the bard’s hand.

Gabrielle felt a pang of guilt and she wanted to tell her partner about what she had done after she had faded, but Kenji’s words came to her. ‘She must not know… or…’ Or what…? the bard pondered. She felt Xena’s touch on her arm again.

"What did you dream?" the warrior asked, assuming that that was what her companion was contemplating.

"We’ll talk about it later, right now I need to get our things together. The boat will be leaving soon." She dismissed the warrior’s question; she didn’t want to tell her that she had thought Xena’s death was only a dream.

**************

 

She stood watching Higuchi as it began to fade in the soft morning mist; her bardic musing emerged. "A life of journeying has brought you to the farthest lands… to the very edges of the Earth," she stated, as if speaking to the small lidded container that she held lovingly in her arms.

The tall dark-haired warrior looked down at the short blonde as she placed her hand on the bard’s shoulder. "And to the place where I’ll always remain," the warrior smiled, "…your heart." When Gabrielle returned her smile, Xena added, "So, where to now?"

Green eyes locked with blue, and the blonde’s smile widened. "I think we should go south… to the land of the Pharaohs. I hear they need a girl with a chakram." She touched the round ring that hung at her waist.

"Where you go… I’m at your side," Xena said.

"I knew you’d say that." The bard’s voice held a certain mirthfulness.

Chuckling, the warrior wrapped her arm around Gabrielle’s shoulder, pulling her towards her chest, and kissed the top of her companion’s head.

As she leaned against Xena’s chest, an odd feeling struck her. The familiarity and comfort of being wrapped in the warrior’s strong embrace felt strange for some reason. Then it struck her, as if a huge tidal wave had just risen over the side of the boat and slammed into her. She couldn’t hear or feel Xena’s heart beating. She straightened quickly as a searing rush of heat ran through her body, and a scowl of sudden frightened realization creased her face. Her actions last night had nearly caused Xena’s soul to be lost forever.

"What’s wrong, Gabrielle?" the warrior asked, her own brows creased with concern.

"I…" She couldn’t tell Xena that she was unexpectedly stricken with the potential consequences of her behavior last night. It was bad enough that the warrior might never forgive her for her actions, but now she had to keep it from her partner, until she returned to the living.

She realized now that it had been a selfish act on her part. Xena had given up her mortality to atone for the forty thousand souls that were taken in that fire, and all she could think about was bringing the warrior back to her. Her stomach writhed with the idea that those souls might be lost to the state of grace that Xena had given her life for.

"Gabrielle?"

What was done was done, and for now she would have to live with the consequences. What she needed to do now was get Xena back to Greece; if what Kenji said was true, then being in a foreign place would only complicate things. Then she thought about Eve; she would be back from Chin by now.

"I just thought about Eve." The blonde gestured with her eyes towards the small urn in her hands, hoping that her expression would not give away her true thoughts. Gabrielle watched as the warrior’s expression softened. "Maybe we should find her first. I mean before we go to the land of the Pharaohs."

"I don’t know, Gabrielle… maybe we should wait. She’s only just gotten back from Chin and is trying to get the temple going. It might be best if we wait," Xena said.

"Xena, she has a right to know that…" Gabrielle’s voice faltered for a second. "That you are dead."

"I know." The warrior put a hand to the bard’s cheek. "But she’s got enough on her mind, with building the temple." Xena could sense that talking about her being dead was wreaking havoc on her companion’s emotions and she was pretty sure it would do the same to Eve. She also knew that going back to Greece right now would be hard for both of them.

"Waiting will only make it worse for her, and most likely make her angry with me, if we put it off." Gabrielle reached up and took Xena’s hand in hers. "We need to do this before we do anything else."

The warrior could see that the bard’s mind was made up. She pulled Gabrielle’s hand up and kissed it. "Ok, we head for Greece first." She gave her a smile before letting go of her hand and turning to look out at the water.

Gabrielle kept her eyes on the warrior’s profile for few moments before finally turning her gaze on the water as well. Higuchi was no longer in view and she couldn’t help feeling a foreboding as the distance grew. She had an almost uncontrollable urge to jump over the side of the boat and head back. She was distraught with the idea she was leaving something behind or unfinished.

 

***************

 

They were a day’s travel from the site of Eve’s temple as they made camp for the night. The warrior was beginning to loathe the sun setting; it shifted her into a place of darkness, making it impossible to keep watch over her partner while she slept. Though she was well aware that the battling bard was more than capable of protecting herself, it afforded little comfort to the warrior, and she desperately ached to hold her lover while she slept.

"Xena?" The bard looked up at the warrior from where she was laying out her bedroll.

"Hmm?" the warrior answered, being brought back from her thoughts.

"So far I’ve been the only one who can see you…" she gave her partner an idiosyncratic smile. "And now half the people from here to Japa think I’m a babbling bard who talks to herself." Xena raised an eyebrow in knowing amusement.

"I guess I shouldn’t talk to you when you’re around other people, huh?" The warrior knelt next to her bard. "We can’t have people thinking you’re crazy."

"I don’t care what anyone else thinks," she stated, "it’s just that I was wondering if Eve would be able to see you too."

"I don’t know, I guess we’ll find out soon enough," Xena said, running the back of her hand down Gabrielle’s cheek. "I hope so, but all that matters to me at this point is that you can see me." Xena smiled and the bard watched it fade as the sun set.

Gabrielle reached out to return the warrior’s touch, but her hand passed through the translucent vision of Xena’s face. She never thought she would grow to hate the sun setting. It had always been a mysterious and beautiful experience for her in the past. However, now its only meaning was that it separated her from her love. Now instead she found herself eagerly awaiting the sun’s reappearance. Funny how some experiences have a way of changing one’s perspectives and habits, she thought.

She was just beginning to wonder when Xena might start the rebirth when a bright light appeared before her.

"Aphrodite?" Gabrielle had jumped to her feet with an uncanny show of dexterity.

"Hi ya, battling bard babe, where’s tall dark and beautiful?" the goddess asked, standing in her usual stance: hand on her hip, flinging her hair over her shoulder. "Where have you two been anyway?" As she glanced about the camp and then back to Gabrielle, her smile slowly faded. "I can’t sense Xena… where is she?" the goddess questioned.

 

***************

 

Gabrielle spent most of the night recounting what had happened to her and Xena in Higuchi, though she left out the part about what happened after Xena disappeared. She wasn’t ready to share her conversation with Kenji with anyone just yet.

"It’s just like that stoic warrior to give up a chance to return to life, just to save a bunch of people she doesn’t even know," the goddess spat. She had always had a soft spot for Xena, and Gabrielle’s anecdote hit her harder than she ever thought possible. Yet as painful as it was for her to accept she knew it had to be far more taxing on the bard.

She had watched their relationship grow from a fondness, to friendship, to a love beyond any she had ever seen or felt. She thought back to the first time that Gabrielle had recognized the love she harbored for the warrior. She had seen the whole occurrence firsthand, had heard every thought they were thinking and to this day she had never told anyone that she had witnessed it…


The young bard had paced back and forth, her expression creased with a frightened troubled scowl. Her teeth were clenched tight, her hands in white-knuckled fists at her side, as she took quick deliberate steps in one direction. This isn’t like her, she thought, before spinning on the balls of her feet and heading back in the other direction. She’s never late, came the voice inside her. With a sudden jerk she stopped mid-stride. Unless… she shook the thought from her mind and took another step before halting again. Unless… something’s wrong… Her pondering brought to an abrupt and terrifying conclusion in her mind.

"No, she’s just been delayed," she said aloud trying to reassure herself, as a shudder ran up her spine. "Yes that’s it, she’s been delayed and she had no way of getting word to me." She relaxed her jaw and hands.

Fighting back the tears, she glanced around the cave as she struggled to remember Xena’s exact words before she left. Gabrielle had been so angry with the warrior for not letting her go with her. It was that anger that had diluted Xena’s explanation, but she distinctly recalled hearing the amount of time she would be gone.

She heard Xena’s voice… ‘A week, two at the most. Promise me you’ll stay here… that you won’t try and follow me.’ After that incoherent words fell on the fuming bard’s ears.

Try as she might she couldn’t remember where Xena said she was going or even if she told her. Two weeks and two days, and no idea where to start looking for the warrior, but she had to try; something wasn’t right. She needed to find her, one way or another she had to find her.

The young blonde was about to pack up her things when she heard Argo’s snort. Relief washed over her face as she ran toward the entrance of the cave.

"Xena?" She uttered when she reached the opening of the cavern and saw the warrior’s bloody body hunched over the saddle. "Xena?" She whispered, taking four long strides to reach the warrior’s side.

The battered woman slowly raised her head, her hooded eyes found the bard’s. "Gabrielle…" she droned, reaching a trembling hand out to the blonde. "You’re still here." Xena slid carefully from atop Argo. "I was afraid you would be…" She landed with a grunt before the world went black.

Gabrielle only just barely managed to catch the tall dark-haired woman and keep her from colliding with the ground. "By the gods Xena, what happened to you?"

It had taken some doing, but the small blonde finally succeeded, with much effort, to carefully drag the wounded warrior into the cave and rest her on top of the bedroll near the fire, before putting a pot of water on to boil and grabbing the medical kit. She began the heart-wrenching task of removing the warrior’s armor and surveying her injuries. "Oh… Xena," she whispered through her tears.

The sun was setting when Gabrielle had finally done all she could for the warrior’s wounds and was able to turn her attention to Argo. The large mare appeared to be unharmed, as the young exhausted blonde hoisted the saddle from the ex-warhorse and set it just inside the cave entrance. With that done she led Argo to a clearing near the cavern and brushed her down. "What happened, Argo?" she asked the mare, as if she might receive an answer. "Thank you for bring her back to me, girl." The bard rested her hand against the horse’s nose as Argo nudged her.

On her way back into the cave Gabrielle grabbed Xena’s bedroll and saddlebags, setting them down near the sleeping warrior. She made her way over to the fire, tossing on another log and then filling the small pot with water she returned it to the flat rock next to the flames. I’ll make some broth, she thought to herself. The bard turned to look at Xena; even cleaned up she was a mess. "Over a hundred stitches, Xena. What in Athena’s name were you doing?" She asked in a voice that was scarcely audible.

Gabrielle scanned the cuts and bruises that covered the warrior’s tan muscular form, as she kneeled beside her still body. "Never again, Xena… do you hear me?" She gently ran her fingers across the sleeping woman’s forehead, brushing back her dark sweat soaked hair. "You will never leave me behind again." Tears filled her eyes when Xena shook slightly, and moaned.

Gabrielle had somehow managed to get her companion to drink a little of the broth she had prepared, though she was unable to make out the mumbling coming from her injured friend.

The bard woke with a start, and she quickly sat up when she realized Xena was thrashing about. Gabrielle moved closer to her and stroked her hair back. The fever was worse. "Gods, Xena, you’re burning up." The warrior relaxed considerably as the bard continued to comfort her. "I don’t know what to do, Xena. Tell me what to do," she pleaded.

Then it came to her; the last time she had been sick, she’d about gagged on what the warrior had given her to bring the fever down. In a half-coherent state between recovery and the infection coursing through her veins, she had asked the warrior what the vile concoction was. Xena told her it was a mixture of different things, and when she began telling the bard what they were, Gabrielle’s head began to spin with the effort of trying to remember them. Unable to concentrate she’d asked the warrior to write it down; for some reason it was important for her to know. She wouldn’t rest until Xena had written it down.

The bard sat up and reached for Xena’s saddlebags. "Please… let it still be here," she mumbled, as she pulled several scrolls from the leather pouches.

Each of the scrolls were labeled, the second one she read was titled, ‘Herbs’. She lay the others near the saddlebags and unrolled the one in her hand. "Thank the gods," she murmured. The instructions were clear and very precise, not only with the mixture used in the tea for fever, but it held the recipes for salves to use for treating infections, cuts, scrapes, and bruises, as well as herbs and plants used for a number of other ailments. Xena had even gone so far as to draw pictures of what the plants looked like. The bard was taken aback with the detailed drawings and descriptions.

Gabrielle spent the rest of the night mixing herbs and powders to treat the fever, deep cuts and bruises, in addition to periodically applying a cold washrag to the warrior’s hot forehead and neck. By sunrise she had managed to reduce her companion’s fever.

In a state of exhaustion the bard slipped under the pelt and laid down next to her friend. Wrapping her arm carefully around the warrior’s mid-section she whispered to the dark-haired woman, "Don’t leave me, Xena. I couldn’t bear it if you…" She stopped her words, afraid to finish them. "I need you, please don’t leave me." She ran the back of her fingers along the warrior’s cheek, tears flowing down her own. "I love you, Xena." A little while later sleep overwhelmed her.

When she woke the next morning she worked to renew the dying embers, and as they rekindled she placed a pot of water near the flames. A short while later she squatted near the fire reaching for the pot of boiling water and poured it into the cup with herbs and tea. After setting down the pot she glanced over to her sleeping friend. It had been three days, and though she had kept the fever down, it hadn’t completely gone away. She watched Xena’s chest rise and fall with even steady breaths; the bard was becoming frightened that her efforts to care for the warrior were not enough. Each time her companion opened her eyes, Gabrielle’s heartbeat quickened, until she realized that the warrior was still incoherent and unaware of where she was and what was going on.

Between worrying over Xena, caring for Argo, searching for food, washing the clothes, fetching water, mixing herbs, and bathing the warrior, Gabrielle had had little sleep and had eaten even less.

That night she had a particularly difficult time calming her friend’s nightmares. It wasn’t until she leaned over Xena and began kissing her cheek and forehead, while whispering quietly in her ear, "It’s okay, you’re safe. I’ve got you… you’re safe with me," that the warrior finally relaxed. The bard lay her head next to the warrior caressing her cheek and continuing her soft murmurs. "I won’t let anything hurt you. I love you… I…" She paused, suddenly realizing for the first time the true meaning of her words.

She knew she loved Xena, but she understood now that she was in love with her. By the gods, Xena… I really love you. She stared at her companion’s stilled sleeping face, and wondered why she hadn’t recognized this sooner. She brushed the dark hair from the warrior’s face. "Please Xena… I need you to be okay. I need to see your eyes and hear your voice." The bard lay down next to the warrior once again, and Aphrodite couldn’t stand to see Gabrielle in such pain, so as the young blonde slept, the goddess lay her hand on the warrior.

When the young blonde woke the next morning, her body tenderly and protectively snuggled against the warrior’s, she realized Xena was stroking her hair. She opened her eyes and looked up into the depths of ocean blue ones. "Xena?"

The warrior gave her a weak smile. "Hi," she managed in a hoarse whisper.

Gabrielle untangled herself from her friend and sat up. "How do you feel?" she asked, her brows crinkled in a frown. Though it had been the first time in days that the warrior had actually responded to her question, she was still afraid to hope that this time she might be coherent.

"Tired, very sore, and hungry," the dark-haired woman answered, and she had wanted to add, ‘And cold without you lying next to me’, but she didn’t.

Gabrielle’s expression brightened, relief washing over her face. "Well then, I better see to your needs," she stated before finding her feet.

The bard began gathering the things she needed to remedy Xena’s hunger and pain; sleep would come after. For now though, the small blonde was ecstatic and content to finally have her friend showing signs of recovery.

As Gabrielle helped Xena drink the broth she’d fixed, she could see the exhaustion overwhelming the warrior, and knew this wasn’t the time to press her friend with questions. When the broth was finished the dark-haired woman lay back down and was asleep almost before her head hit the pillow.

She stared at the warrior’s barely moving form for a long moment, and then closing her eyes she thanked whatever god had answered her prayers. "You’re welcome, little one," the Goddess of Love whispered, though not loud enough for the bard to hear.

While Xena slept, Gabrielle ate, really ate for the first time since the warrior had returned. After she finished she decided to clean up the cave. She had not had much time to do so, nor did she care, as long as her friend’s condition was poor, how the cave looked. However, now that it appeared that her companion was on the upswing, she didn’t want the warrior to see how worried she’d been, by the disarray of the cave.

All the while she was straightening up, she found herself stealing glances towards the slumbering dark-haired warrior and smiling. She was going to be alright, she figured that in a few more days Xena would want to get up and she would be able to take solid food. It won’t be long before you’re feeling yourself again… my warrior. Her thoughts took her by surprise. My Warrior… if only it were true, she mused before continuing with her task.

She had folded the clothes she had drying on a rope she’d run from one side of the cozy cavern to the other, she had taken the pots, cups, and such to the river to wash, and put them away. What’s more, she had cleaned and polished the warrior’s armor and sword, then lay them neatly upon a rock. That done she bent to pick up the things she’d left out of Xena’s saddlebags when she’d been searching for the scroll of herbs. As she packed the things into the leather pouches the title on one of the scrolls caught her attention. ‘OPEN IN THE EVENT OF MY DEATH’. She read the words again, staring at it for quite some time before she moved to put it away. However, before her hand released it, she pulled it back out from the saddlebag, her eyes fixed on the words.

No… it wouldn’t be right, the voice in her head told her. Again she pushed it into the bag. Like before her hand still held on to it; she glanced over at the sleeping warrior. She watched as her chest rose and fell with regular smooth breathing. It would be an invasion of her privacy, came the annoying little voice in her head. She released her grip on the scroll and quickly completed her chores.

She tried to keep her mind off the scroll after she’d finished straightening up the cave, but she wasn’t having much luck. Thus, she decided to spend some time with Argo. After she fed, brushed and took the mare for a ride, something she wasn’t particularly fond of, but she knew would be appreciated by the large horse, she headed back to the cave.

Xena was still sleeping when she returned, so she grabbed the water skins and headed for the river. Thoughts of the scroll clouded her subconscious as she bent to fill the skins; she knew her curiosity would not let her leave it alone. When she entered the cave she found Xena awake.

"Hey, how you doing?" the bard asked with a concerned smile.

"I’ve been better," the warrior responded, "and I need to relieve myself…" She grunted as she tried to sit up.

Gabrielle set the water skins on a rock as she rushed to the injured woman’s side. "Take it easy… let me help you," she said in a distressed tone.

When they reached the opening of the cave Xena turned to look at the young bard. "I can take it from here," she affirmed, in a somewhat embarrassed vocalization.

"Xena, you’re not in any condition to try this on your own," the bard stated matter-of-factly.

"I can manage," the warrior hissed.

Now I know you are going to be alright… my stubborn warrior. Gabrielle had not let go of the dark-haired woman; she knew she was self-conscious, but there was no way she could do this on her own. Well, I can be stubborn too, she thought. "Look, let me help you to a tree or a rock, so you can support yourself… when you’re done I’ll help you back. Okay?"

The warrior’s head was spinning and she wasn’t in the mood to argue with her companion, besides she felt like her knees would give out any minute. "Okay," she relented. She hated to be vulnerable, but she couldn’t see any other options.

Once they had returned to the cave and Xena was settled onto the bedroll, the small blonde went to work mixing the herbs and tea. She could see the pain the warrior was trying to hide, and the effort had worn her out. Xena was asleep within minutes of finishing off the tea.

"Sleep tight, my warrior," she whispered as she brushed a stray lock of dark hair from her friend’s eyes and took the empty mug from her hand.

Like every night since the warrior returned, the bard was wakened by her companion’s nightmares. And as she did every night Gabrielle kissed her cheeks and forehead, while relaxing her friend with her murmurs of assurance.

When the warrior was calm, the bard lay holding her, as her now alert thoughts were brought back to the scroll.

She couldn’t stand it any longer. She unwrapped herself from Xena and moved towards the saddlebags. Pulling the scroll from the pouch, she unrolled the parchment.

Another small scroll fell from the now open one; she set it aside and read the first one. It was a will, which stated that upon her death, all of the warrior’s worldly possessions were to go to Gabrielle.

The bard blinked blindly, before her eyes fell on her sleeping friend. Everything… she’s leaving me everything. The blonde was dumbstruck. Gabrielle was overcome with the love she felt for Xena; it bore into the very core of her heart. "Oh, Xena," she said through unleashed tears.

When her tears stopped and she could finally think again, she reached down and picked up the other parchment. After she unrolled it she realized it was a letter to her from Xena. Her eyes began to scan the words.

 

Gabrielle,

It is you who are the bard and yet somehow I must put to parchment the words within me, struggling to be liberated, words I am unable to bring myself to speak aloud, for fear of losing you. Because the path we walk is a dangerous one, I will attempt to explain my love for you in a manner that is only slightly less foreign to me. Though I am hesitant, that I can’t adequately express the depths of my feelings for you with this approach either… yet I must try.

You are the light in my world of darkness that has shown my heart a path to redemption. A path I began alone, until you followed me, testing the limits of my patience. So young and naive and full of wide-eyed amazement, I tried to send you home. Even though I knew you must return to your village, I found myself experiencing emotions I thought I would never again feel and some I’d never felt before, and I knew I couldn’t send you away. And so began my love for you, at first because you showed no fear of me, despite my harsh words and gazes, and then because you dared to call me friend. In the short time we have traveled together you have seduced me with your innocence, your open heart, your enthusiastic hypnotic voice, your clarity of mind and your beauty.

I am a warrior of many skills, hardened by a past I know I can never atone for. Each day I live with this knowledge and I accept this of my own free will. No matter how unbearable it is or becomes, I can face it as long as you are with me, for it is you who gives me strength. Thus, I have but one fear, that I might one day wake from this wondrous dream to find you gone, to find myself devoid of the precious gift you have given me.

It is that fear which keeps me from my longing to hold you close, to voice my love for you. I will not jeopardize our friendship, our love, our bond, for the sake of physical contact. Therefore, if death should claim me I want you to know, need you to understand, that you are the ground I walk on, the sky above me, the trees that surround me, the air I breathe.

You are my life, my soulmate.

X

 

Gabrielle scarcely managed to contain her convulsive sobs before she reached a safe distance from the cave. She dropped to her knees weeping uncontrollably as she tried to still her trembling hands. The emotions coursing through her were a hodgepodge of gut-wrenching sensations that struck with such intense feelings, both physically and mentally, she thought she might explode into a million pieces. Her heart was beating at a pace that shouldn’t have been humanly possible, her body throbbed with fits of irrepressible tremors as she gasped to catch her breath and swallow past the painful lump in her throat.

She loves me as much as I love her, the bard thought. Nevertheless, the walls that the ex-warlord had erected around her emotions in order to prevent the pain those feelings might invoke, would not, the strawberry blonde knew, be so easily torn down. Gabrielle was also aware that the warrior was concerned with the appearance of coming across as lacking in strength, or the ability to think logically; that openly giving her heart to someone would leave her powerless, or worse allow her to be perceived as weak.

Gabrielle knew that this was a battle she would have to fight for both of them, if she ever had any aspirations of sharing her soul with this woman, this warrior, this ex-warlord she had fallen madly in love with.

It was dark by the time she’d been able to regain her composure, having read the scroll over and over in order to commit it to memory, though she doubted she would ever forget a word of it. She rolled it back up and made her way toward the cave, and her warrior.

In the weeks that passed they had fallen back into their normal routines; although Xena was not completely healed she was definitely closing in on her customary perfection.

Three things had remained unsaid between them. First no matter how hard the bard tried, the warrior refused to discuss where she’d gone and what happened to her. She only promised Gabrielle that when she was ready to talk about it she would. The young blonde had finally given in when she’d seen the look of dread in the warrior’s eyes. Secondly they had continued to sleep wrapped in each other's arms at night, as if they had been doing it all along, and lastly neither of them spoke of their more cryptic feelings for one another.

The day had gone quickly for the bard, as many of the days had of late. She was caught up in her musings of how to scale the walls the warrior had so firmly put in place around her emotions. She sat across the fire from Xena, yet again in thought of banishing the walls that separated her from her warrior, when out of nowhere an idea struck her. She pulled out her quill and parchment, and began to write.

Xena noticed the bard writing, as she sharpened her sword. A smile played on her lips as she arched an eyebrow and glanced towards her young companion. She loved to watch her write, and the animated expressions on the young blonde’s face as she lost herself in the story she was writing.

Gabrielle’s brows grew together in a crease as she ran the feathered quill along her lower lip in thought. Her eyes brightened and she began scribbling the flashes of inspiration that had sprung to her mind.

The warrior finished sharpening her sword and polishing her armor, and when she peered over toward the bard she saw the slow steady breathing that told her the small woman had fallen asleep, her parchment resting in her lap and quill still in hand. Once again a smile crossed Xena’s lips as she made her way to her sleeping friend. Setting the scroll and quill aside, the warrior lifted the young blonde into her arms, settling her on the bedroll.

The next morning it was the bard who woke first. She had securely wrapped herself around the warrior’s body during the night and it brought a smile to her face when she realized Xena’s arm was about her waist. It felt so right, and she wanted to stay like that forever, but she had a plan to put into action.

Being as gentle as she could she removed herself from the dark-haired woman and got up. She walked over to the scroll she’d been writing last night and read it. Grabbing her quill she added to what she wrote and then headed out of the cave.

When Xena woke, she felt the absence of her bard and sat up, quickly scanning the cavern for her companion. The bard wasn’t in the cave, but a scroll was lying on her pillow. The warrior picked it up, unrolled it and read the words.

Xena,

I sit across the warm glow of our campfire and steal glances of you as you hone your sword. The familiar sound of long steady symmetric strokes echo off the cavern walls, as the firelight dances upon your beautiful features. I have become accustomed to our nightly routines, particularly our newest sleeping arrangements, and I take comfort in them and cherish them. Though, lately I have begun to experience feelings that are foreign to me. I have caught myself staring at you, and when your eyes meet mine I look away, struggling to swallow past the lump in my throat, or slow my breathing and beating heart. I am confused, for these emotions both frighten me and excite me, but I am ready to take them to the next step, for you are the ground I walk on, the sky above me, the trees that surround me, the air I breathe… For the sake of our love, our bond, I need physical contact. You are my life, my soulmate.

Meet me at the river.

G

As the tears fell, Xena ran towards the river and her bard, all coherent though lost to her. The warrior stood on the shore staring out to the water, out to the woman she loved.

When Gabrielle saw the look in Xena’s beautiful blue eyes, the eyes that had at times stopped her heart and now quickened it, she knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that the warrior was hers.

As much as Aphrodite had wanted to stay, she knew by the look between them that this was her cue to leave the soon-to-be lovers alone. Her smile grew wide as she vanished in a flash of white light.

When the goddess’ gaze was brought back from her reminiscing, she found Gabrielle fast asleep. The goddess bent down next to the bard, pulled up the pelt and touched her forehead, as tiny sparks emitted from her fingertips. "Sweet dreams, little one," she whispered and then was gone.

 

**************

 

Gabrielle woke the next morning with her body completely intertwined with the warrior’s.

"Good morning," Xena said, drawing her arms more tightly around her partner.

"Hmm," the bard sighed. "This is how I want to wake every day."

"I think that can be arranged," the warrior whispered and then leaned down until her lips met Gabrielle’s.

The bard moaned when Xena pulled away. "You don’t have to stop," she said in a husky voice.

"Yes… I do. You’ve slept half the morning away," she teased. "We should get going if we want to reach Eve before sunset."

"Okay… okay, but I’m doing this under protest," she said, finding the warrior’s lips once more in an all too brief kiss.

After Gabrielle ate, packed up the camp and made sure the fire was out, they were back on the road. Little was said between the women as they walked side by side, both lost in their own thoughts. Gabrielle’s mind kept wandering back to the dream she’d had last night. She had dreamt about the first time she and Xena had made love, and it had felt as though she was reliving it.

They reached the site of the temple mid-afternoon. Eve couldn’t have been back for more than a month and yet the structure that would be Eli’s temple was well on its way. The warrior and bard stood at the top of the hill staring down in amazement at how much Eve had managed to accomplish in such a short time.

"Like mother, like daughter," Gabrielle stated, as she looked out at all the people working in unison.

"What are you talking about? I’ve never erected a temple," the warrior said.

"No, you haven’t. But you both have a way of getting people to do what is needed to accomplish something." The bard smiled.

"I don’t think that particular talent is limited to my daughter and me. Seems I’ve seen a specific well-versed bard accomplish in the same thing," Xena stated matter-of-factly.

Eve and Virgil ran towards them when they had nearly reached the site.

"Gabrielle?" they both said together, as Eve threw her arms around the blonde, while noting the chakram at her hip.

"Where’s Mother?" she questioned after Virgil had also hugged the bard.

Eve’s and Virgil’s smiles diminished when they saw the troubled look on Gabrielle’s face.

They both noticed the bard turn and look up as if listening to someone standing next to her; she nodded and then fixed her gaze back on them.

"Is there some place we can go to talk?" she asked.

"Sure, I have a tent around back. We can go there," Eve answered with a hand held up in the direction of a small path lined with rocks.

When they reached the privacy of the enclosure Eve repeated her question. "Where is Mother, Gabrielle?"

The bard stood in front of the two of them, her eyes darting back and forth between them. "She’s here," Gabrielle said, as she watched their expressions turn questioning.

Once again they watched as the blonde bard turned to listen to someone unseen.

"Xena was killed in Higuchi," she paused to give them time to process what she had just said.

They turned to look at each other and then back towards the bard.

"But you just said that she was here. I don’t understand, Gabrielle." Virgil was completely confused, and it appeared he wasn’t the only one.

"She is here, but for some reason I’m the only one who can see her," the blonde stated.

Once again the bard gave an account of what had happened while she and Xena were in Japa. It was early evening by the time she had finished her story, still omitting the part that had taken place after the sun had set.

"I don’t understand, why hasn’t her spirit moved on?" Eve queried.

Gabrielle looked to the warrior, and Xena shrugged. The bard hadn’t thought about this before now, and then it dawned on her.

"I think it might have to do with a promise your mother made to me once." Yes, that has to be it, she voiced inwardly. "She promised me that even in death she would never leave me." Gabrielle’s gaze fell on Xena’s once more, and she returned the warrior’s smile. "Seems your mother agrees with me."

"This is strange, I mean Xena’s here but she’s not," Virgil said, as he ran his fingers through his hair.

Gabrielle was about to say something when they heard shouts from outside the tent.

They ran around to the front of the temple and watched as twenty men approached on horseback.

"Sweet Eli, why won’t they just leave us be," Eve said, not so much a question as a statement.

"Who are they?" the bard asked, as she kept her gaze on their advance.

"The man in the front is Lattimar, the rest are some of his followers. They believe that the time for worshipping gods has passed, and that the reign of man is at hand," Virgil spat, as he put his hand on the hilt of his sword.

"And let me guess," the bard started, "He thinks he’s the one who should reign." She had released the straps on her sais.

"That about sums it up," Virgil answered, his eyes fixed on Lattimar and his men.

"Get these people back, Gabrielle, they’re followers of Eli. If a fight breaks out they’ll get themselves hurt," the warrior said, her hand twitching as if she were going to go for her sword, but realized at the last minute that it was gone.

"Get back." The bard waved her arm indicating they should move behind the temple. "All of you."

"Do as she asked," Eve shouted, taking her eyes from the riders just long enough to let her people know she meant business.

Gabrielle, Virgil, Eve, and the unseen warrior stood alone in front of the temple when Lattimar and his men reached them.

"I see that you haven’t taken my request seriously," Lattimar said, his voice deep.

Its tone reminded Gabrielle of a bullfrog; or was it his bulging eyes, three chins and balding head that gave her that impression?

"'Get out in three days or die' can hardly be considered a request," Virgil calmly stated, his hand still resting on the pommel of his sword.

"Perhaps you’re right, my boy. I guess you might say that it’s more along the lines of an ultimatum, but I’m not here to quibble. I just stopped by to remind you that your time is up." He shifted uncomfortably in his saddle, making it apparent that he was not used to being in one.

"This is our land, bought and paid for. We aren’t going anywhere." Eve also maintained a calm demeanor as her eyes fixed on Lattimar’s.

"Then you leave us no alterative," the massive mounted man croaked.

"There are always alternatives," the bard declared, lending her voice to the conversation for the first time. "You could turn around and tend to your own enterprises and leave these people to theirs," she proposed, with a slightly sinister smile.

Lattimar eyed the bard suspiciously, his gaze following the length of her body. "And who might you be?" He asked, again shifting uncomfortably in his seat as he waited for a reply.

However, before Gabrielle could answer him, Eve interjected, "She’s my mother’s partner. Perhaps you’ve heard of her--Gabrielle, The Battling Bard?" she said with great pride and clarity.

The tone of admiration and respect that Eve conveyed on the bard’s behalf almost stopped her heart. It took Gabrielle a few seconds to regain her composure.

"Well, well, well, a real heroine in our midst," he drawled in a deep croaky tone. "That makes all the difference. I’ll give you to the count of five to start gathering your things, before we’re forced to take matters into our own hands." He guffawed, but when he reached three, his men jumped into action.

Gabrielle had her sais out and was in her fighting stance by the time Lattimar’s men had dismounted and reached them. Eve had taken up a staff nearby, and Virgil’s sword was drawn. The three of them engaged the advancing opposition with confident conviction.

Xena felt helpless; she wanted yell out, warn her partner of the two large men attacking at once, but she feared that this would only distract Gabrielle. Two or three times she made as if to draw her sword, even tried to stop the advance of one of the aggressors gaining ground, only to have him simply pass through her.

Lattimar hadn’t expected two women and one man to so quickly and skillfully take down twenty well-trained opponents, but that was exactly what was happening. Although he knew Eve’s and the bard’s reputations, hearing about them and seeing it firsthand were completely different things.

His eyes went wide with fear as his men began to retreat. Reaching for his belted knife, he pulled it free and propelled it with precision for the bard’s heart.

The warrior saw the projected knife’s path, and seeing that Gabrielle was unaware of its approach, she leaped for the bard. Her only chance was to knock the bard from out of its path. Afraid she wasn’t going to reach her companion in time, the warrior yelled out. She wasn’t going to make it; fear shot through her and for a brief moment she felt her heart begin to pound and her pulse race. But this couldn’t be… she was dead, yet a battle rage rushed through her with an uncanny familiarity. She ignored it, trying to reach the bard in time. Then just as the horror that she wasn’t going to make it registered, her body became opaque for a moment before disappearing again. It was enough that instead of its intended target, the knife struck the warrior in the back, and then fell when she vanished.

When the few challengers remaining saw this, they too retreated, Lattimar close on their tail.

Lattimar’s men weren’t the only ones who had glimpsed the warrior’s very brief appearance. Some of Eli’s followers were on their knees praying, others stood wide-eyed, mouths agape, still staring to the place they had seen the warrior materialize and then evaporate.

"Xena." Gabrielle went to her knees next to the warrior, who was on her hands and knees. "Are you alright?" She put her hand on her partner’s shoulder and examined the area where the knife had made contact. There was no sign of a wound; in fact there was no evidence that it struck her at all.

"I’m fine." Xena had to force herself to look up and find her feet. When she had shifted into corporeal form, she had experienced excruciating agony. The pain was mixed with a flashing flood of images from her childhood. They pelted through her mind so quickly that the dizzying revolving imagery and veracity of them dropped her to her knees. It was if she were reliving her youth.

"What happened?" the bard asked, as they both regained their feet.

"I’m not sure." She was just now recalling that she had felt her heart beating. The warrior closed her eyes still trying to shake the vertigo. She opened her eyes; there was no heartbeat now. She figured that she must have imagined it out of fear for her bard’s life.

"Gabrielle? Mother… is she alright?" Eve and Virgil were standing next to them, their expressions creased with concern.

"She’s fine, but I’m going to take her to your tent." Gabrielle looked up to the sun; in another hour or so it would be setting.

The bard had her hand on Xena’s arm, leading her towards Eve’s canvas enclosure. She could hear Eve talking to the others, asking some of them to carry the fallen antagonists to the infirmary, and others to see to their horses.

Gabrielle was laying out her bedroll while keeping an eye towards the warrior. "Are you sure you’re okay?"

"Yeah… just a little dizzy." She gave the blonde a smile.

"Come here." The bard reached her hand out to Xena. "Lie down with me." The warrior took her hand and lowered herself onto the bedroll.

"How ‘bout you? Are you alright?" Xena’s gaze swept the bard’s body, searching for any injuries.

"I’m not hurt." She pulled the warrior down next to her so the full length of their bodies made contact. "I’m fine… it’s you I’m worried about."

Gabrielle drew Xena to her chest, cocooning the warrior with her embrace, and brushing her companion’s bangs back, she began kissing her forehead.

"Xena, everyone saw you," the bard stated. She needed to know what the warrior thought about appearing in front of everyone. "How did you do that?"

"I don’t know." The warrior supposed it had been out of fear for the bard’s life. "All I know is that the knife was headed for you, and I had to stop it."

Gabrielle tightened her hold on the warrior.

The warrior closed her eyes, enjoying the soft lips and heartbeat of her partner. It had been far too long since her bard had held her in this manner, and she hadn’t realized just how much she’d missed it. She tried not to think about the dizziness or the setting sun, all she wanted for the moment was to sink further into her bard’s hold on her. They lay there for a quite a while, just feeling the comfort of each other’s embrace. As Gabrielle continued to caress her forehead, the warrior could feel and hear the bard’s heartbeat beginning to increase.

Neither of them had talked about whether or not they could experience making love in her current state. Though she had definitely thought about it, she had wanted Gabrielle to make the first move, when and if she was comfortable with it.

The warrior turned to look up at her bard, and before she had a chance to read the blonde’s expression, she found the soft lips of her bard’s on hers. It started gently, tenderly, and then slowly grew more passionate. She could feel Gabrielle’s need heating and then her own want began to take over.

Xena pressed unmercifully into the kiss and reached up, slipping her hand around the back of the bard’s head. Then just as suddenly as before, she felt her heart beginning to beat rapidly, her veins pulsing with adrenaline, and then an explosion of searing white pain erupted throughout her entire being. Her last clear thought was that it should have been impossible for her to feel anything physical; she was dead, all that remained of herself was her soul, so how could she experience pain? Then the images took up where they had left off earlier, rotating in a series of accelerated panoramic visions.

Gabrielle sat up at the same instant she heard Xena’s cry of agony and saw the warrior’s eyes roll into the back of her head. The bard held onto her partner as her body convulsed uncontrollably and then she watched Xena’s eyes close as her body went limp.

They found the bard cradling the unconscious warrior in her arms, rocking back and forth, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Gabrielle? What hap…" Eve stopped and looked down at her mother’s stilled form. Virgil nearly ran into her when she’d halted in her tracks.

"Can you see her?" the bard choked out through her sobs.

"Yes." She walked over and knelt next to them, running her hand over her crinkled brow. "What’s going on?" she asked, not taking her eyes from her mother.

Ignoring Eve’s question, the bard peered up to Virgil. "Has the sun set yet?"

"Yeah, about a five minutes ago." He briefly glanced out the tent flap and turned back to the blonde. "Why, and how come we see Xena, what’s going on?"

The sun had set and the warrior hadn’t disappeared; the bard could still see her, touch her, and what’s more Eve and Virgil saw her as well. The struggle between life and death had begun.

"I’ll explain later." She met Virgil’s gaze and then Eve’s. "Please, I need to be alone with her. I’ll come out in a while and we’ll talk."

Eve hesitated a moment, ran the back of her hand down her mother’s cheek and then got up. "We’ll be right outside if you need us."

Gabrielle gave her a slight smile, then nodded before they exited the tent. She gazed back down at her warrior, and kissed her on the forehead again.

An hour later Gabrielle exited the tent and found everyone preparing for evening meal. Virgil was carrying large platters of food to a table that Eve was setting pitchers of drink on.

Xena hadn’t moved or made a sound since her initial outcry of anguish, and the bard was apprehensive about leaving her partner alone, but she had told Eve and Virgil that she would explain what was going on, and they deserved to know the truth.

"Everything alright?" Eve asked, when Gabrielle had reached the table.

"She appears to be resting, but I don’t want to be away from her for too long," the bard said before coming to a stop beside the younger woman.

"Come, fix yourself a plate." Her arm went out over the food. "We’ll take our meals over there so we can talk." She gestured towards a tree on a small hill, just a short distance away from where the rest of Eli’s followers would be seated.

The bard nodded while glancing towards the large tree. Its thick trunk and branches reached for the now darkening sky, though there would be light for at least another hour.

Each of them took a seat beneath the towering tree, before Eve turned her attention and eyes on Gabrielle, placing her plate in her lap while the other two did the same.

"What didn’t you tell us, Gabrielle?" Eve asked bluntly, not wanting to waste time with idle conversation.

The bard locked eyes with the young woman who was as much family to her as was the warrior. Gabrielle had been taken aback by Eve’s abruptness, but then it had been she who told them she didn’t want to be away from Xena too long. She glanced down at the plate in her lap and then towards the two of them, trying to decide where to begin.

"I told you that your mother died in battle, and why she was fighting." Eve and Virgil nodded together. "What I didn’t tell you was that the Ghost killer and Kenji told me how I could restore Xena to the living."

They sat listening and eating as the bard explained the occurrences that had followed the warrior’s death in detail. "I held the urn with her ashes over the Fountain of Strength and was about to spread them into the water when Xena stopped me." She looked down at her food and stirred it with her spoon.

"She told me that in order for the souls of the forty-thousand people she’d killed to pass into a state of grace, she had to remain dead." The memory brought tears to her eyes; without looking up to her listeners she wiped them away. "When the sun set and she disappeared…" she paused to gather her poise, and continued. "I thought she was gone for good." Her tear-filled eyes found theirs.

"So many emotions filled me, I couldn’t possibly put them to words." Her brow drew down in sudden dread. "I was so overwhelmed with grief that I held the urn over the fountain and removed its lid… I… I wanted her back." Her tears were unchecked now, the words brought the memories and anxieties back to her with a sudden horror of helplessness. "I wasn’t thinking about the forty-thousand souls, I just wanted her with me. In my mind she had freed those souls when she dispatched Yodoshi." Gabrielle took a deep shuddering breath and wiped the tears from her eyes.

She hadn’t told even Xena that she had considered joining the warrior in death, how the emptiness inside her threatened to consume her. Life meant nothing to her without her soulmate, so she stood at the cliff’s edge about to jump, when Kenji’s appearance had stopped her.

She was caught up in the maze of her thoughts; she shook them free and continued. Her voice bore an undertone of despair. "Somehow Kenji crossed over and appeared to me. He told me he had little time, he said that when I held the urn over the fountain that some of the ashes and my tears touched the water at same moment, and it had… I had set into motion Xena’s rebirth."

Her eyes took in both of them at once, their expressions mixed with confusion.

"Isn’t that a good thing?" Virgil asked, shifting his position and setting the now emptied plate on the ground next to him.

"I hope so, but before Kenji disappeared, he was quick to tell me that it would be very painful for her." She paused while searching for the right words. "He told me that it was imperative that Xena not know what was happening, and he was about to warn me of something else, but he vanished before he could speak it."

"And you’re afraid of what that something else might be," Eve said, not so much a question as a statement.

"Yes," Gabrielle whispered, "very afraid." She met Eve’s eyes again. Gabrielle was about to add that she was also worried about what Xena would think when she discovered that it was she who caused the warrior’s rebirth, but she thought better of it. After all, it went against what Xena had wanted; she had given up her mortality in order to save those souls. She also wondered what would happen to those souls once the warrior was returned to the living.

"The way I see it," Virgil started, "It was Akemi’s place to atone for those peoples’ souls, not Xena’s."

"I have to agree with Virgil. Mother redeemed herself when she freed those souls from Yodoshi." She took Gabrielle’s hand in hers. "But right now we need to concentrate on making sure Mother doesn’t know what’s happening to her." Eve wanted to give the bard some solace and she hoped that her words would accomplish it, at least to some extent.

Gabrielle gave Eve’s hand a squeeze before releasing it. Wiping away her tears, she gave them a slight smile as if thanking them for their understanding and support. "I’d better get back, I don’t want to leave her alone too long."

Eve reached a hand out for the bard’s plate, noting with some concern that Gabrielle had managed to eat very little of her meal.

After finding her feet, the bard turned to them. "We can’t let Xena know that she didn’t fade with the setting sun, or that you two were able to see her tonight." She paused and combed her fingers through her hair. "And tomorrow I shouldn’t leave the tent until we know whether or not you can still see her."

"If we can see her then everyone else can see her," Virgil said; though it wasn’t a question it sounded like one.

"I’ll bring you breakfast. If I can see Mother then I’ll say…" she thought for a moment and said, "My vision of Eli’s temple is almost a reality."

Gabrielle nodded, gave them another smile and then turned to make her way to her warrior.

When the bard was out of hearing distance, Virgil turned his gaze on Eve. "If we can see Xena, we’re going to have a difficult time keeping it from her"

"There’s no doubt it will be hard, but we have to keep her from knowing." Eve’s eyes were on the retreating bard.

The warrior hadn’t moved during the bard’s absence, and it appeared now that Xena would be with her for the night. So she began the ambitious task of removing the warrior’s armor while she lay unconscious. She was drawing deep breaths by the time she’d finished removing the layers which made up the warrior’s attire; all that remained was her shift. Gabrielle cast off her own clothing, pulled on a night shirt and climbed under the blanket with Xena.

This was the first time since Xena’s death that Gabrielle had been able to spend the night with her. Though she woke every morning wrapped in the warrior’s arms, she was forced to find sleep at night without the comfort of Xena’s embrace. She positioned herself snugly against the tall dark-haired woman, and at first it felt wonderful. However, after a few minutes she noticed just how different it was. There was no soft steady breathing, no warmth from the warrior’s body, no heart beating in rhythmic pulsation to lull her into slumber. Her eyes filled with tears as they had so often lately, and she prayed that Xena would come back to her soon. It was awhile before she fell into a restless sleep.

 

********************

 

There were brief periods when a thick dense darkness descended around her, giving her relief from the onslaught of agonizing pain rippling though her body. The warrior had never felt such excruciating, torturous aching in all her life, and she was no stranger to pain. She could sense a warm comforting presence, but when she reached out to grab it, she was thrown back into another time in her life. With it came the stabbing searing pain that accompanied every stroke of her sword, every arrow she’d let fly, and the countless releases of her chakram. Helpless against its bedevilment, she could do nothing but struggle to endure the bombardment of images and anguished afflictions of every bone in her body.

Once again she was swallowed by the darkness, only this time she felt the presence of her bard lying next to her. With her eyes closed she savored the momentary relief from the relentless raging suffering. Her attention was drawn to soft murmurs outside the tent and she finally opened her eyes.

The sun was up, and she neither remembered fading last night, nor reappearing this morning, but she could recall the pain she had experienced during the night. She began to contemplate the meaning of this when she felt Gabrielle shift next to her. Her attention was brought back to the small blonde bundle in her arms.

The bard snuggled closer to her warrior’s embrace; but with a sudden sense that something was amiss, she opened her eyes. What she saw caused her breath to catch in her throat. Xena’s face and body were gaunt; she looked like nothing so much as a skeleton with skin tightly stretched and pulled over her bones. Gabrielle’s gaze followed the length of her body, taking in her pale skin. The absence of contour, muscle, and color made the hair on the back of the bard’s neck stand on end.

"Good morning," the warrior managed to say, before she saw the look on the bard’s face. "What’s wrong, Gabrielle?"

"I…" She had to think of something to say that would alleviate the questioning expression on the warrior’s face. She said the first thing that came to mind. "I just noticed you aren’t wearing your armor," the bard lied, as she forced a bright smile on her face.

The warrior smiled back and then glanced down at her body. "Yeah, any idea how that happened?"

Gabrielle was cursing herself for having caused Xena to look down at her form, but the warrior obviously didn’t see anything out of the ordinary. This was what Kenji had meant by her rebirth, and perhaps why it was imperative she not know what was happening to her. It dawned on her that this was more than likely what he had wanted to warn her about. As long as Xena didn’t know about her rebirth she would continue to see herself as she always had.

"No clue," Gabrielle said with her best childish grin. She needed to conceal the fact that she had been the one who removed it and that Xena had been with her all night, or the warrior might start asking questions the bard couldn’t answer.

Xena smiled and kissed her partner on the forehead. Gabrielle closed her eyes as the warrior kissed her, and when she reopened them, Xena’s tan muscular form and brilliant sharp features had returned, and the blonde was caught up in the oceanic abyss that were the warrior’s eyes.

They stared into each other’s gaze for a long moment, until Eve called to them from outside the tent opening.

"Gabrielle, are you awake? I have some breakfast for you." She stood outside holding a tray.

They both got up and the bard walked over to the flap which served as a door and pulled it back. "Mornin’, come on in." She held the canvas out while Eve ducked and entered the enclosure, tray in hand.

"What time is it?" Gabrielle asked, watching Eve almost walk into Xena as she made her way to the small table in the corner.

The warrior smiled as she watched her daughter nearly walk into or through her, as the case may be.

"A couple of hours past sunrise. Everyone else is eating now, and then we will start in on the temple." She set the tray down and turned towards the bard. "They are hard workers. My vision of Eli’s temple is almost a reality."

It was a good thing they had planned this out ahead of time, because the bard had had no idea Eve could see her mother. Deliberately walking so close to Xena without looking at her, Gabrielle was sure, had the warrior believing her daughter still was unable to see her.

"Is Mother here?" she asked.

"Yes, she’s here," Gabrielle answered, as she tried to think of a way to keep the warrior in the tent with her all day.

"Good morning, Mother," she said, purposely looking past the warrior.

"Good morning," Xena responded, sure that Eve couldn’t hear her, though she could.

Eve met the bard’s gaze, as if waiting for her to repeat the warrior’s words.

By the Gods, she’s good at this, Gabrielle thought. "She says good morning," the blonde said, glancing between the two of them.

"You know Gabrielle, in my travels to Chin and India, I managed to gather some very interesting scrolls. I thought you might like to read some of them," she finished, hoping this would give the bard a way to keep her mother out of sight.

"I’d like that, thank you." Gabrielle was grateful for a reason to stay put in the tent, and she enjoyed reading about other cultures; it truly intrigued her.

The warrior sighed, knowing that they would very likely spend the day inside, while the bard read the scrolls.

Eve gave Gabrielle a wide smile, though it wasn’t over the bard’s enthusiasm, but her mother’s sigh.

The day was progressing well, though an hour into reading the scrolls the warrior had begun pacing from boredom. It went on for several minutes before Gabrielle started reading to her, stopping occasionally to engage Xena in conversation, thereby keeping the warrior distracted. When Eve showed up with a tray of food, both found themselves surprised by how quickly the time had passed.

 

*******************

 

As the sun slowly sank below the horizon Xena could feel the darkness beginning to envelope her, and she knew she would slip into the brutal obscurity that had taken her the night before. Unable to understand the reason behind her new nightly maltreatment, she concluded that it was to be her punishment for all the wrong she’d done in her life.

She felt herself falter and her bard grasp her arm, leading her to the bedroll. Their eyes locked for a moment and the warrior smiled up at her partner. Xena’s eyes seemed to flicker between desolation and hopefulness, as her voice broke with emotion.

"I love looking into your eyes, Gabrielle," she whispered in dim agony.

At least, the warrior thought, she would return in the morning to her bard. It was that promise of hope that she held in her mind as the darkness and pain consumed her. As long as she could return to Gabrielle in the morning she would endure.

The warrior cried out before she went slack in the bard’s arms. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head and closed, as they had the night before.

Gabrielle’s gaze turned to a watery blur; the warrior’s pain was her fault, and though Xena hadn’t said a word about it, she had seen it in her eyes just before she collapsed.

Eve and Virgil rushed in through the opening of the tent. They had been in route when they heard the warrior’s yell.

The bard looked up at them. "This is my fault. If I had accepted her wishes, she would not be going through this now."

"She was wrong, not you," Eve said, walking over to the bard and wrapping her arms about her. "Akemi was the one responsible for the death of those people. I can’t understand why she couldn’t see that."

"It seems to me," Virgil uttered, "That living with one’s past mistakes is a lot harder than dying with them," he finished, taking a seat near them.

"It is," Eve mumbled, getting to her feet. "And if my mother wasn’t so stubborn she would have realized that."

"She was doing what she thought was the Japa way." Gabrielle wiped her tear-stained face, kissed the warrior’s head and then laid her down gently onto the bedroll.

"What do you mean she was doing what she thought was their way?" Eve was staring deep into Gabrielle’s eyes. "Are you telling us that no one told her this was their belief, that she just assumed it?"

"Well, I…" The bard thought back to what Xena had said.

‘Akemi didn’t want to tell me this, in case I wouldn’t come back to help,’ she heard the warrior’s voice saying.

"No, she told me that Akemi didn’t tell her because then Xena might not come to help." The bard’s voice trailed off, as she finished her words and her gaze fell to the warrior.

"As a warrior, tall dark and cunning is bright… as a redeemer she sure can be dim," the goddess blurted out as she shimmered into view, causing the three of them to jump.

"Aphrodite! I really hate it when you do that," the bard spat. "Can’t you just walk into a room like everyone else?"

"Duh," she sighed, putting her hands on her hips. "I’m a goddess, not everyone else."

"I know, it’s just unsettling when you do that." Gabrielle’s expression was beginning to soften.

"I’m sorry, pumpkin, but it’s what I do," she said, flipping her hair over her shoulder. "I just stopped by to check on my favorite girl group, and happened to overhear your conversation." She gave the bard a sly smile.

"Do you know anything about Japa’s beliefs?" Eve asked.

"No, but I know your mother’s desire for redemption." The goddess relaxed her stance as she peered into Eve’s eyes. "And I’d be willing to bet that their beliefs differ greatly from hers."

"Is there any way you could find out for sure?" Gabrielle asked with pleading eyes.

"How can I resist such an ardent appeal?" She brought her hands up, snapped her fingers and vanished in a bright flash of white light, her voice echoing back to them. "I’ll see what I can do. Later."

The three of them sat in silence for a few moments when without warning they watched Xena’s body begin to glow a brilliant white. They could see the tormented expression building on her face, and her body began to writhe within the envelopment of the illumination. Her mouth opened, but no sound escaped. Gabrielle reached for her but pulled back with a jerk when the heat generating from the warrior’s flesh burned her hand. The bard yelled out in pain, but reached for Xena again when the warrior finally let out a heart-wrenching cry. Eve and Virgil were on their feet, each gripping one of Gabrielle’s arms. Gabrielle had never heard its like; it started as a low rumbling deep within the warrior’s throat and ended in a high-pitched wail.

"Let me go!!!" she screamed through gritted teeth. She ignored the pulsating throb of heat in her hand. "She needs me."

"Gabrielle, you can’t touch her. Whatever’s happening to her you can’t help," Virgil tried to explain over the warrior’s wailing and the bard’s protests.

"GABRRIEELLE!!!" Xena’s voice came in a choking shriek.

"LET ME GO!!!" the bard was shouting as she struggled for breath, and against the two holding her back.

Virgil had to wrap his arm around the bard’s stomach in order to keep her from breaking free of their grasp. She was frantically fighting to get to the warrior, her green eyes blazed with unequivocal resolution, nothing else mattered but getting to Xena.

Then as suddenly as it had begun it ended, bringing it to an abrupt halt. Everything went still and silent, save for the gasps of air they were straining to pull into their lungs. Their eyes remained securely locked on the warrior; they could see her chest rising and falling in rapid succession as she inhaled and exhaled.

The bard shook herself free, escaping their grip on her. She knelt next to the warrior, reached out a trembling hand and placed it on her partner’s chest. She cringed with the pain from the burn, but she didn’t seem to notice. Xena was breathing.

"She’s breathing," she whispered, replacing her hand with her head. She could feel Xena’s heart beating; hear the hastened thumping, as it pounded against her chest. "I can hear her heart beating."

 

********************

 

She was still behind a blanket of darkness, but the intense unsettling confusion of suffering and acute physical torture had lapsed. All that remained was the throbbing ache, a reminder of the anguish she had experienced. The warrior slowly tried to open her eyes, peering through slitted lids. She focused on a single candle that was burning on a table in the corner, lending a soft glow of light to the interior of the tent. She felt as though she was waking from a drug-induced sleep. Her head throbbed, every bone in her body ached, and her limbs were like lead. Turning her head she found her bard lying next to her fast asleep; on the other side of the room she could just make out Eve’s and Virgil’s sleeping forms. She was dimly aware that the sun had not yet risen. Unable to keep her eyes open she was once again consumed by darkness, only this time, she somehow knew there would be no pain.

Eve was the first to wake; she nudged Virgil. He bolted upright looking around frantically as he tried to focus his eyes.

"What?" he blinked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "What’s wrong?

Shushing him, she pointed to the two sleeping forms and then the tent flap, indicating that they should take their conversation outside, lest they wake the two slumbering women.

His gaze followed her extended finger. He nodded his understanding, stretching the stiffness from his body before getting to his feet. However, having inherited only a fragment of his father’s clumsiness, Virgil still managed to find his foot caught up in the bedroll he’d been sharing with Eve. Before he could prevent it he was propelled forward, sending him headfirst into a table. The table, its contents, and Virgil all landed on the ground with a loud resonating explosion of sound.

The warrior shot to her feet with the dexterity and grace of an attacking panther protecting her cubs and an expression that matched, despite the soreness that plagued her body. The battling bard wasn’t far behind, and was on her knees reaching for her sais.

"What’s going on?" the warrior growled.

"It’s okay," Eve assured, heading towards Virgil, who was nonchalantly trying to disentangle himself from the upturned table.

Gabrielle slowly got to her feet when she realized there was no apparent danger.

Eve gave Virgil an indignant look before helping him untangle himself from the table and regain his footing. Together they retrieved the empty tray, plates, mugs, and utensils, along with a number of scrolls that were on the ground. When they had returned the items to their respective places, they turned to face their onlookers.

Xena felt the pull of tightly strained muscles, a dull steady twinge running through her bones, the throbbing presence of a headache, and she was acutely aware now that Eve and Virgil were staring at her.

"What is going on?" she asked again, only this time she wasn’t questioning the noise that had wakened her. It was obvious that the two in front of her were struggling to avoid her gaze. They gave Gabrielle a regretful look.

The warrior could feel her heart beating with a reluctant uneasiness. They could see her and hear her, and blood was pulsing through her veins. She was alive and she seemed to be the only one surprised by this.

"Virgil tripped and landed on the table," Eve replied breaking the silence, knowing perfectly well this was not what her mother wanted to know.

Virgil gave the warrior a apologetic child-like grin. "Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you."

Xena turned to Gabrielle. "I want to know what’s going on."

The bard’s breath caught in her throat; she opened her mouth to speak but nothing came forth. This is it, Gabrielle thought weakly as her brows drew down in fear and dread settled itself into the pit of her stomach.

"I…" She couldn’t bring herself to tell Xena what she’d done. The bard’s gaze fell to the ground; she couldn’t stand the look in the warrior’s eyes.

"You what, Gabrielle?" Xena took hold of her partner’s upper arms, forcing her to look into her blue eyes.

The bard swallowed past the lump in her throat and tried again. "It was an accident," the blonde started.

The warrior softened her gaze when she saw the look of anxiety on the bard’s face. "What was an accident?" She quietly asked.

She was well aware there wasn’t any way out of this; Xena deserved to know what was going on. It had been necessary to keep it from her until she was back, and she was definitely back among the living. Now it was only fair she was told the rest. The problem was where to begin.

"Do you remember telling me how Akemi broke your heart?" Gabrielle wanted the warrior to understand the despair she’d experienced after Xena disappeared. By causing her to think back on the hurt that Akemi had evoked, the warrior might better comprehend how the bard had felt.

Xena nodded, but said nothing.

"I know why you felt the necessity to remain dead, but when you disappeared the first time… it broke my heart." The bard looked deep into the warrior’s eyes. "I thought you were gone for good and it was more than I could bear. I felt empty and lost. I had no clear understanding of how to go on without you, where I would go or what I would do. All I could think about was that I was alone." She swallowed before continuing.

The warrior’s eyes filled with tears and she let her hands fall to her sides. Gabrielle felt her head drop at the loss of contact.

"I…I removed the lid on the urn and held it over the fountain, wondering…" She paused, as she thought back to how she had felt. "Or perhaps it was hope, I’m not sure, but I held it there for some time." There were tears in the bard’s green eyes now, and her voice was beginning to tremble as she spoke. "I wanted to ignore your reason… the forty-thousand…" It was becoming difficult for her speak.

"The struggle within her was quite demanding indeed," Kenji said, taking up for the bard.

Everyone turned to see the ghostly figure of Kenji standing next to the Goddess of Love.

When Gabrielle’s gaze met his, he smiled. "The tears she shed were of a genuine and pure love, and a single teardrop reached the water at the very instant a wind had deposited some of your ashes," he was gazing at Xena now, "thereby initiating your rebirth."

"As much as she wanted you back, she had already decided she could not follow through with it. It was Harukata’s intervention that sparked your return," Kenji stated.

"The ghost killer caused the wind to take up Xena’s ashes?" Gabrielle questioned.

"The ghost killer was the wind," he answered.

"But why would he do that?" the warrior asked, her brow creased in puzzlement. She was concerned about the forty thousand souls, and what would now become of them.

"Because your death was unnecessary. When you defeated Yodoshi and freed the souls of his people, your atonement was complete," he said, giving her a smile. "Akemi stayed behind long enough to tell you this.

"All she said was…" The warrior hesitated, and then ran her fingers through her hair. Akemi’s words echoed within the warrior’s mind. ‘You’ve redeemed me, you’ve redeemed them, you’ve redeemed yourself.’

"I have to go now. You will have to explain the rest to each other." He bowed to them and, meeting both of their gazes, gave them a wide smile. "Live long and happy, my friends." He turned to face Aphrodite.

"I promised not to keep him out too late." She giggled.

Gabrielle walked up to her and gave her a hug. "Thank you."

"You’re welcome, little one." The goddess straightened up and took the bard’s hand in hers.

Gabrielle winced, pulling her hand from Aphrodite’s. The goddess once again took her hand, this time with caution. Peering at the bard’s burned palm and fingers she lay her own hand over the burn, healing it.

They gave each other a smile, and the goddess turned towards Kenji. "Guess I’d better get you home." In a flash they were gone, but Aphrodite’s laugh reverberated through the tent for a few seconds after they’d left.

 

*******************

 

The bard spent the afternoon filling in what Kenji hadn’t told the warrior. Eve showed them around the temple and the grounds. News arrived just before evening meal that villagers and farmers from several nearby towns had joined forces to drive Lattimar and his men from the territory, and had succeeded.

Xena and Gabrielle made their way towards Eve’s tent after they’d eaten.

"So I guess this means you’ll be wanting your chakram back," the bard teased.

The warrior wrapped her arm around her partner’s shoulder. "I already have everything I want," she stated, giving the bard one of the smiles Xena reserved only for her lover as they entered the tent. "Though it looks like I am in the market for a new sword."

Gabrielle walked over to a chest in a corner of the tent and pulled out a blanket. Unfolding it she lifted the warrior’s sword and held it out to her. She answered the questioning look in her companion’s face. "I found it where you buried it on the hill, shortly after I found your chakram."

Whenever Gabrielle had stopped for the night and made camp, and Xena faded with the setting sun, leaving the bard alone with merely her thoughts, she would take the sword from its scabbard and hone it. In this way she was able to feel the warrior’s presence if only in her heart and mind.

Xena closed the space between them and took Gabrielle into a hug.

Despite the fact that both women were exhausted, both physically and mentally, it was late before either of them found sleep.

It was after noon when Eve poked her head into the tent and discovered that her mother and the bard were still wrapped in each other’s slumbering embrace. With a quiet grace passed down to her by her mother, she set a tray of fruit, bread, nuts, and cheese on the table and exited the tent with a smile.

With an obscure sense of apprehension, the bard listened to the heart beating in cadence with her own. She felt her head lift with the intake of air, and a soft cool breath stirring her hair with its release. She could feel herself relaxing, melting into the warmth beneath her. She wanted nothing so much as to remain right where she was. As if in answer to her thoughts the arms wrapped about her tightened their embrace. Gabrielle was sure that nothing in this life, or any that might follow, would ever feel as good as this felt. With much protest her eyes opened, and were met with the vivid blue orbs that were the warrior’s. She brought her hand up and cupped her lover’s face, as she lightly ran her thumb along her cheekbone.

"If I only had thirty seconds to live, this is how I would want to spend them…" Gabrielle said in a husky undertone, "Looking into your eyes."

Until next time!!!

Completed 7/20/2001

 

Fanfic | Main Index